Why were you fired? (OPEN)

[VicVictory]

I love that this challenge comes almost exactly a year after the "Cars You Can't Be Proud Of" thread. So, in the spirit of that... I bring back a couple of my terrible, terrible designs.. updated to today's standards!

First off, who could forget the horrible but lovable 1955 Gumbo Stubby? Well, thanks to an even smaller body than was available before, plus the new one barrel eco carb, IT'S EVEN CRAPPIER THAN BEFORE!

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Top speed is a roaring 70.6 MPH. It takes 31.2 seconds to get up to 62 MPH, but only 24 seconds flat for the quarter mile (hits 56 MPH at the trap... WOO!)
Yes, this tiny beast still mates a whopping 1000cc motor to a hi-lo (yes, 2-speed) manual.

Let's just say that the design team at Gumbo Motors was looking to corner the "inexpensive" market and squarely hit the "even hated in 3rd world countries" market.

Next up we have the wonderful Lithuanian sports-hatch, the 1983 Kiriminas!

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Aww man. 80's nostalgia galore. Quad headlamps, AM radio, pushrods, and nooooooo performance thanks to the 155mm wide tires.

Even with a 1.4 liter and 4 speed manual, the Kiriminas can only do 82.8 MPH. At least it can get up to 62 MPH in 18.1 seconds, and it can get up that fast before its quarter mile. Which is does in 21.3, putting it almost as slow as the Gumbo Stubby. But, having a decent heater, 5 seats, and a low price tag, it was reasonably popular. Inside the Communist Bloc, anyway.

So what happens when the Japanese fail with a sports coupe? Well, they found that out the same year with the '83 Hachi S!

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Well, the designers of the Hachi wanted to make a cheap sports coupe. The team still wanted good response and fun, so they dropped a pair of sidedraft carbs onto a 1.2L four. Unfortunately, that meant some corners had to be cut to bring down costs. The transmission was an utter pile of garbage (despite being a manual), the interior fit and layout was consistent with the mid 1970's, and in coastal areas the body and frame would rot out within a few years. Most didn't last that long, however, as the Hachi was known to be a bit... squirrely.

So while its 95.7 MPH top speed doesn't sound all that dangerous, going that fast in a Hachi meant you had a death wish.

[nerd]

1982

The Rado Slav. A car so horrible it is not even a Rado, rather an export of a Yugo competitor in Serbia.

My crew were with the job of importing the cars. A not-so-easy feat since America has much higher safety standards than Yugoslavia.

The cars we got were, my god, worse than Yugos. Since my job were importing these, that was not a good sign.
We managed to find some primitive-form of power steering under the hood. It had a 'performance' air filter, in fact 2 of them, for each eco-carb.
We ditched the performance carbs and quieted the car down. We also ditched the primitive catalytic converter and installed a 3-way one.
But what got me fired? Well, we needed to make the cars safe enough for American roads. But that was, quite clearly, impossible with this chassis.
We conducted crash tests and found out the chassis would essentially crumple into a ball in a crash at 30 mph. The safety equipment was absolutely terrible as well.

Still, was worse, the car had leaf springs and a live rear axle, Front-wheel-drive, an inline 4 making 60 hp.
However, we did NOT correct the safety problems. While we got the interior OK-ish to sit in, the safety was left uncorrected, because it was simply impossible to fix because the chassis is so damn bad.
The only thing getting the Rado Slav on American Roads was a blank check of $10,000,000 to shut up the safety inspectors. However, when people started crashing, the absolutely horrible safety was as bright as day, and the company is STILL embarrassed about it for the same reason. I got fired because I was being an 'idiot thinking upgrading the interior is more important than safety'
Needless to say, it sold well, but the 80% of owners (who happen to be teenangers) all crashed it, inevitably dying for the exact same reason.

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[thecarlover]

This is the story about how the president of Diamond Automotive's Asian division was fired to attempting to increase Japanese market share. Diamond Automotive is the luxury company of Solo Motors Co. and only makes V8 and V12 powered cars (except for an experiment with I6's during 1970s fuel crisis, but there's a reason they went into bankruptcy soon after...). Anyways, the millenium was just around the corner, and with Japanese regulations on kei cars having recently been changed, the president of the division figured it could be a lucrative market to get into. He could have simply proposed having Diamond work on a more luxurious version of the new Solo kei model, but he was a stubborn man who wanted to make something entirely of his own. And so he ordered the designers and engineers to come up with a Diamond kei car, and quickly, as it was to be released at beginning of the new millenium. Development was quick, and within a year (and over $3 million spent), a "production-ready" prototype was ready to be unveiled in October 1999 at the 33rd Tokyo Motorshow.

This is where things started going wrong for the ill-fated president.

The 2000 MY Diamond Citrine Gold:




Let's start with the positives. The retro-styling was a hit, as the retro craze was just beginning. Tgold paint and plentiness of chrome also proved popular, as both were unheard of on the budget kei cars. This proves Diamond can make a good looking kei car, but after that, things went south...

Let's start with the engine. 660cc, fitting the regulations, and a turbo strapped to it for extra power, as this was to be more than the average budget kei car. But that engine was expensive. And tuned for power rather than performance. The president did not listen to the engineers telling him that kei cars also had power regulations, and simply wanted more as he was to unveil the highest trim level at the show and detune things from there. Where a regulation kei car can only get up to 63 hp, this one made 125 hp. And for a market used to fuel economy well over 50 mpg, the Citrine Gold got an abysmal 14.3 mpg. And used 95 octane fuel. Even with all this power in such a small car, 0-100 km/h still took 12.7 seconds, and the top speed was 170 km/h.
This brings us to the rest of the car. Corrosion resistant steel frame, double wishbone suspension all around, partial aluminium body, and all of it of high quality. And price. And weight. Where a typical kei car weighs a fair bit less than one tonne, the Citrine prototype weighed 1273.6 kg. That's what can be blamed for the performance issues and partly for the fuel economy. Being the Gold trim level, the president saw to it that only the finest was added to this car, which meant high quality in everything from the brakes to the aerodynamics and interior. The interior is the next big problem. Following the "finest quality" mentality, a hand-made interior and luxury CD player were fitted to it, at least giving the Citrine the distinction of being the most comfortable kei-sized car.
Next is the price. Materials alone cost over $25,000. The "base" price came in at $56,400, and with the 10% markup the president was looking for ("It's a small car, we'll sell a lot, let's keep the profit margin lower than our other models to make it even more sellable") it was to retail for just over $62,000. The cheapest Gold trim in the Diamond line-up, but many times more than anyone would ever want to spend on a kei car, regardless of levels of luxury.
When the president of the Diamond Automotive brand heard of a new model being developed by the Asian division and about to be unveiled in Tokyo, he was furious. He trusted the president of that division, having appointed it himself, so he figured that whatever was happening could potentially be salvaged and not have much lost. Maybe cut his bonus, if things were really bad. He had no idea what was coming. He stood in the crowd and Tokyo and actually fainted when the Citrine was unveiled!
Needless to say, when he came to, he immediately went to find the Asian president and fired him on the spot for "attempting to ruin the Diamond brand with the worst car to ever wear that name." Oddly enough, the new president of the Asian division kept the prototype and hid it away in one of the main office's garages. He brings it out every April 1st to show the latest investors the "new model" that Diamond has in the works...

[VicVictory]

(Snip)

I got fired because I was being an 'idiot thinking upgrading the interior is more important than safety'
Needless to say, it sold well, but the 80% of owners (who happen to be teenangers) all crashed it, inevitably dying for the exact same reason.

Oh come on, that's just called population control! You're doing the world a favor!

[theh4x0r1337]

i converted my fwd to twin turbo


Ricer Files: Captain 3000GT and the Bullshit Brigade

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNe-xpTEq-w