Greetings, and welcome to an exclusive club that we can all become members of when we can afford to buy a car worth more than eighty grand. I, Fredrick Legrodian, founder of Left Hemisphere Engineering (LHE), have been bestowed the great honor of writing an article on today's top luxury cars available on the market, with a twist. While most would seek out the well known models Like the BMW 7-Series, Mercedes Benz S-Class, or even the Jaguars XJs. I will be examining some lesser known, but very potential vehicles by the likes of B.A.N. Hammer AG, Nickel, Baltazar, and Simon. None of which are known for their luxury line, but with how good the economy is, I can see why they would want a piece of the profits to be had.
That brings us to another important point, if they’ve never bothered with luxury cars, can they do it right? What makes a luxury car so important, comfort would certainly be among one of the chief most important aspects, but presence is just as important, if not more so. When you drive down the road, with just a glance, the common folk should be able to identify whether you are driving just any old bucket, or something with class. Not only should a Luxury car take you where you want to go, but it must do so with great comfort, ease of nature, and let everyone around you know that you have done better than they have.
Let us take a look at the cars.
I was given about a month to get to know these cars, and they all left an impression. Like the fat lady at the end of an Opera. Anyone who has never experienced it, is ill prepared for the fact that she is about to blow you away with a closing act that you will not soon forget.
The first of the group I got my arthritic hands on was the Nickel Spec 8. Lined up next to the other three cars I already could tell that Nickel was still having trouble with the idea of a full blown, full size Luxury car. It was smaller than its competitors, which conversely made it easier to park. But the vehicle lacked the presence of the others, I nearly glossed over it at first but I kept noticing I needed to walk further between the B.A.N, and the Baltazar. The front of the Nickel Spec 8 is littered with cut outs, most of which are blocked off on the back side, and the rear end is the love child of a Nissan 300SX and Ford Crown Victoria, with emphasis on how sporty it is with its excessive 4 inch Twin-Dual exhaust and large wheel flairs.
Climbing into the Nickel you are barraged with a digital heads up display and modern techno wizardry. Does a luxury car need electronic telemetry, Nickel believes so. Because this Luxury car is equipped with more sport goodies and electro madness then the other three. The engine control management system is able to adjust the ignition timing on the fly and advances the curve as far as it can, right up to detonation. All you have to do is drive up to the station, pick your fuel grade and be off, the Nickel does the rest for you. If you decide to get regular gas, the smooth running 6.2L delivers 248hp, but if you decide to buy premium you are rewarded with 292hp. Which means the Nickel will get you up to speed with great ease. The smooth shifting five speed automatic never has to hunt for a gear, and the electronic actuated LSD ensures the power makes it to the ground. These are all great features; for a sports car.
That is the trap that the Spec 8 falls prey to, all of these features are great; for a sports car. The moderately aggressive stance, the tuned engine and suspension, the lightweight aluminum chassis and body. These are all the building blocks and DNA of a sports car, one that Nickel burdened with a weighty and well made interior.
Nickel claims to have drawn inspiration from the American Motors Hum-Vee. Though to my recollection those were military vehicles with few creature comforts. Speaking of creature comforts, separating the two rear seats is a refrigerator, not in the typical sense, more of there is a little cubby in the back with a small evaporator, which is used to keep drinks and food cold. But this strikes me as more of a bonus for the riders of the vehicle, not the drivey. The Nickel isn't expensive enough to be a car that one is driven in, it brings us back to the age old adage, “You drive a Bentley, and you are driven in a Rolls.”
Because of this inconsistency we end up with a car which feels like it wants to be a sports car, while wearing the trappings of a luxury car. This is a car which takes compromise and runs with it. It behaves like you want it to more than what you expect it to, it makes you feel comfortable cruising down the highway as well as in the deadlock of traffic. Returning you a rare reliability and low cost of ownership almost never seen in this class. The Spec 8 by Nickel is a great entry point into the larger world of expensive cars, but there are others avenues to take.
Like the Simon Panther, built by a small company over in Britain which is pompous enough to still build cars using the whitworth measurement system. Everything on the Panther is an affront to the onlooker, The car is very ‘plein de soi-même’ whilst offering nothing along the visual pallet to sate the appetite, in fact it does just the opposite. Small children run from its visage and weak hearted ladies faint from its passing. Perhaps that is what makes the car so memorable. “This costs how much?!” You will say with indignation at the dealership. They cannot be serious, pizza cutters for wheels, nothing exceptional from the outside, than the specs hit you. No less than six hundred and forty horsepower pumped into a fully electronic five-speed automatic with symmetrical AWD transfer case. The pizza cutters stay hooked to the ground due to voodoo and mystery. The drive is smooth and all bumps on the road are things only people driving lesser cars experience. As we turn inward it is instantly apparent that there was less love given to the interior when we compare it to the others. Simon claims all of the parts are hand made, and that might be true, but certainly not by expert craftsmen. It has a more utilitarian feel on the inside, functionality taking place over form, everything has a place and that may be what my chief complaint is; It is obnoxious.
The Simon Panther is an intentional jab at the high society, it takes up the Luxury mantle with an evil grin and drops its trousers to defecate all over it. It does the luxury bit proper, do not be mis-informed. But it does so in a mocking way, ‘Take that BMW’ the Panther says. It leaves an impression on you, this was one of the most memorable cars of the lot quite possibly due to the fact that it was so misshapen that it is impossible to un-see. People will buy the Panther if for no reason than to park next to the person in the Mercedes as a taunt.
The Great whale: The Baltazar Beluga, a peculiar company which hails from Brazil and specialized in affordable eco boxes. But the allure of the luxury line has not been ignored by the Brazilian based company, for Ahab has found the white whale.
It is unknown exactly what Baltazar thinks of the United States, but it is clear that the answer to any barren panel on the vehicle is to plug it full of chrome fittings. Whether this is an intentional call back to the era of the 50s, or if they think we will buy it because it is shiny, I couldn't say, but they might be onto something. The Beluga is proper large, and has an unrivaled comfort from its competition. It posses an air of superiority, which it exudes from every orifice. This even manifests itself on the specification sheet, the vehicle is weighed in stones, and under the section which you would look to see the horsepower, they merely wrote ‘Sufficient’.
The Beluga is an amazing vehicle. It has all the pomp one could ask for, especially with its unmistakable headlight arrangement, and staggering amount of power which allows this more than 2200kg vehicle to slingshot down the road, what it does lack is refinement. The steering response is slow and lackadaisical, an emergency maneuver requires directions to be handwritten and sent via the Postal service days prior to the required adjustment. The Beluga handles so poorly, I find it to be a miracle it even made it past the ever tightening noose that is modern safety inspections. It’s as though the car comes from an old guard, a time when power and sensibility were the responsibility of the driver, not modern nanny states and electronic limitations. The Beluga is more primal, it shows up outside a high class event, drawing the eyes of all, while blinding them with reflections of the inner beast they have all become, promptly enforcing that newfound enlightenment while you attempt to drive away without causing the tires to squeal under the immense presence of a powerplant intended to be used during wartime operations.
Opening the door takes not one, but two acts of congress as the entire assembly is operated by electric motors and takes a full 10 seconds to fully open, or close. However, once inside you are rewarded by the figurative, and literal, lap of luxury. Baltazar claims the seats are made of real Dork Leather, but I have no intention of verifying that, in fact I do not even want to think about it. The interior lines of the vehicle are designed in such a way that the entire cockpit is focused on the driver. From the door to the console, the interior is one unbroken sweeping line that flows from one end to the other. Every gauge is right where it needs to be, and the ride is as though you were atop a cloud, even washboarded dirt roads are unnoticeable when the Beluga passes over them.
Baltazar nearly had a car ready to kick down the door and march all over the European providers were it not for the poor behavior of the vehicle.
Speaking of Europe, begrudgingly I must present the B.A.N. Hammer AG Nimbus. The name evokes visions of poofy, scattered condensation which helps add character to an otherwise plain blue sky, bringing promises of shade on a hot day and rain a warm summer evening. Similar to these feelings so too does the Nimbus bring about hope for a future where you can find something different from your run of the mill BMW or Mercedes. You see one of the things all high end luxury providers want to talk about is how advance their car is, how owning their car relays how important or smart you are, and by owning our car you are showing the world how forward thinking you are. They are all also notorious liars.
You see that correctly, B.A.N Hammer has opted to completely remove the door handles from the exterior of the vehicle. The doors are all fully remote operated by the electric key, which in itself is not a key. Each and every door on the vehicle has its own button on this ‘key’ and are opened by the press of said button. This includes the trunk and hood which are both locked while the vehicle is not in park. On the interior, the Nimbus has a ‘key’ tray where you insert the ‘key’ to start the vehicle. Simply hold the brake and press the ‘start’ button. Immediately you are greeted by a fully digital gauge displaying any and all pertinent data, tire pressure, outside and inside temperature. The only thing missing is a speedometer and tachometer, right up to the point when you put the vehicle into drive. You see BAN did not want the driver to have any unnecessary distractions, so they opted to create a HUD which reflects off the lower portion of the windshield along the hood line, and is easy to see in the brightest day, and darkest night.
Further inspection reveals that every compartment is hidden in the BAN, the cupholders are hidden under folding doors, the center console has a smoked cover which retracts to reveal a full CD Changer in dash, rather than located in the trunk. A fully digitized HVAC system which offers temperature control down to the half degree. The interior lines are just as elegant as the Beluga, and just as roomy. Everything about the inside of the Nimbus is decadence dialed to 11.
It was while driving the Nimbus that I noticed how ‘German’ the vehicle was. The steering was responsive, and had that heavy feel to it that only a German car could have, without ever being difficult to turn. The powerband was omnipresent but not obtrusive, I never felt as though the engine would run away on me, no matter how much throttle I used, the engine only gave what I asked, nothing more. Even the ride was just as smooth as the Beluga, but without all of foul natured gnashing of teeth when asked to change directions, or speed.
Driving the BAN Nimbus was nice, but I noticed something even more fascinating about it while I drove, no one noticed the Nimbus.
You see the Nimbus suffers from the same problem the Spec 8 does. It doesn’t stand out. Now that isn't the whole truth, it does stand out, but not in the same way the Beluga or Panther stand out. It stands out in more of a ‘That looks like a nice car.’ way, and less of a ‘That looks like an expensive car’ way. Which in itself isn't that bad, not everyone who can afford this class of car wants to stand out, and the Nimbus doesn't have to stand out, it doesn’t need to try to win you over from the outside by showing off how impressive it is. It saves that for when you get inside, and once inside it keeps you in, and won't let go, and at the same time, you hope it never will.
Final Scores.
4th Place with 415.876 points, the Nickle Spec 8
3rd Place with 419.108 points, the Simon Panther
2nd Place with 425.707 points, the Baltazar Beluga
1st Place with 428.274 points, the B.A.N Hammer AG Nimbus
Mon Jul 27, 2015 5:48 pm 
