Wed Nov 19, 2014 4:05 am
The Grandma Grand National (Now taking Submissions)
*super edit. I've decided to make this infinitely more simple. No more random cars. I've chosen a a bunch of random tracks from the Track thread and went it them.
So guess what you did. Of course you don't remember... You hungover fuck. You and the boys from accounting got blasted at the stag party you threw to celebrate Ted's promotion. During the course of the party, you took it upon yourself to achieve a level of inebriation that would normally warrent immediate medical attention.
But you, and all your manliness decided to take it on the chin, like a champ, and challenge the upper limits of your consciousnesses. And in your drunken stupor, you decide to step out for a smoke and to drain the lizard. Unfortunately, you whip it out and blast a local police cruiser. When the cops approach you and order you to tuck it back and head inside, you firmly stand your ground, and deliver a fuck off. You spend the rest of the night in the drunk tank.
"You are hearby ordered to 5 days of community service
And a $300 fine." Seriously..." You whisper under your breath. "Your sentence will be served at Saint Sorrows Retirement Village, Mortuary, and part time Smoke House. Now, get out of my court room."
You awake to a mind breaking thud on your front door. "Guess what homeboy, its bingo night."
In that vein, I present, for your approval, the "Grandma Grand National", a series of races all over The world,
In which you need to design a vehicle to hold your Great-Aunt Agnes and three to five of her closest gal-pals.
Being old and incontinent, and sudden bumps will not only cause a sudden and violent bowel evacuation, but more than likely, a few broken bones.
Consider, also, they all happen to have vertigo and bum tickers. As such, and quick movements in any direction, any sudden stops or quick accelerations will likely blow their heart and cause a lot of vomiting.
They're all extremely deaf, yet easily capable of picking out any noise they don't like just to complain about it. So youll need to be quiet.
As a product an older generation, theyre all extremely paranoid. And to them, every side of town is "that side of town", meaning its filled with killers, rapists, thieves, and brown people. So stops for gas need to be few and far between.
Being terrified of damn near everything, your vehicle must not look or posses and features (internally or externally) that might scare them.
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Your car must have the following:
The year of the vehicle age is irrelevant. The only requirement is it must seat at least four people.
Automatic gearbox, because Agnes thinks taking your hands off the steering wheel is dangerous.
Abnormally soft suspension and breaks.
Full insulation.
Hand crafted interior the most expensive entertainment and safety equipment.
Non-aggressive styling.
Rim can be no bigger than 16" with long life tires.
The engine must be:
I care not for configuration or placement.
Quiet. Really really quiet.
Extremely fuel efficient.
Naturally aspirated.
Extremely smooth.
Enough power to get to at least 100 mph without doing so violently.
Cost must not exceed $25,000.
Here's how the points stack up.
First place = 10 Points
Second = 8 Points
Third = 6 Points
Fourth = 4 Points
Fifth = 2 Points
Everyone below wins a nice knitted sweater.
Everyone 5 points above the stat minimum gets you an additional point. So if the minimum for safety is 30, and you get 40, you'll receive 2 points. Conversely, every 5 points under will lose you 1 point.
Body / Trim
Tameness: 50
Comfort: 50
Prestige: 10 (so pretty much free points)
Safety: 35
Sportiness, on the other hand, works in the opposite fashion. It must be below 35. If you exceed 35, you loose a point for every point over.
Engine
Smoothness must be above 60, while loudness must be below 40 and responsiveness below 40 as well.
Every MPG above 25 gets you an additional point.
Just for fun, how about an extra point for every $100 under the $25,000 limit.
As for judgment of styling, that will be at my whim. Hope you get lucky.
----------------
Make me a car and PM me. If you have any mods, please tell me in the PM.
So guess what you did. Of course you don't remember... You hungover fuck. You and the boys from accounting got blasted at the stag party you threw to celebrate Ted's promotion. During the course of the party, you took it upon yourself to achieve a level of inebriation that would normally warrent immediate medical attention.
But you, and all your manliness decided to take it on the chin, like a champ, and challenge the upper limits of your consciousnesses. And in your drunken stupor, you decide to step out for a smoke and to drain the lizard. Unfortunately, you whip it out and blast a local police cruiser. When the cops approach you and order you to tuck it back and head inside, you firmly stand your ground, and deliver a fuck off. You spend the rest of the night in the drunk tank.
"You are hearby ordered to 5 days of community service
And a $300 fine." Seriously..." You whisper under your breath. "Your sentence will be served at Saint Sorrows Retirement Village, Mortuary, and part time Smoke House. Now, get out of my court room."
You awake to a mind breaking thud on your front door. "Guess what homeboy, its bingo night."
In that vein, I present, for your approval, the "Grandma Grand National", a series of races all over The world,
In which you need to design a vehicle to hold your Great-Aunt Agnes and three to five of her closest gal-pals.
Being old and incontinent, and sudden bumps will not only cause a sudden and violent bowel evacuation, but more than likely, a few broken bones.
Consider, also, they all happen to have vertigo and bum tickers. As such, and quick movements in any direction, any sudden stops or quick accelerations will likely blow their heart and cause a lot of vomiting.
They're all extremely deaf, yet easily capable of picking out any noise they don't like just to complain about it. So youll need to be quiet.
As a product an older generation, theyre all extremely paranoid. And to them, every side of town is "that side of town", meaning its filled with killers, rapists, thieves, and brown people. So stops for gas need to be few and far between.
Being terrified of damn near everything, your vehicle must not look or posses and features (internally or externally) that might scare them.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your car must have the following:
The year of the vehicle age is irrelevant. The only requirement is it must seat at least four people.
Automatic gearbox, because Agnes thinks taking your hands off the steering wheel is dangerous.
Abnormally soft suspension and breaks.
Full insulation.
Hand crafted interior the most expensive entertainment and safety equipment.
Non-aggressive styling.
Rim can be no bigger than 16" with long life tires.
The engine must be:
I care not for configuration or placement.
Quiet. Really really quiet.
Extremely fuel efficient.
Naturally aspirated.
Extremely smooth.
Enough power to get to at least 100 mph without doing so violently.
Cost must not exceed $25,000.
Here's how the points stack up.
First place = 10 Points
Second = 8 Points
Third = 6 Points
Fourth = 4 Points
Fifth = 2 Points
Everyone below wins a nice knitted sweater.
Everyone 5 points above the stat minimum gets you an additional point. So if the minimum for safety is 30, and you get 40, you'll receive 2 points. Conversely, every 5 points under will lose you 1 point.
Body / Trim
Tameness: 50
Comfort: 50
Prestige: 10 (so pretty much free points)
Safety: 35
Sportiness, on the other hand, works in the opposite fashion. It must be below 35. If you exceed 35, you loose a point for every point over.
Engine
Smoothness must be above 60, while loudness must be below 40 and responsiveness below 40 as well.
Every MPG above 25 gets you an additional point.
Just for fun, how about an extra point for every $100 under the $25,000 limit.
As for judgment of styling, that will be at my whim. Hope you get lucky.
----------------
Make me a car and PM me. If you have any mods, please tell me in the PM.
Last edited by VosNox on Thu Dec 25, 2014 4:38 am, edited 12 times in total.
