Barely Street Legal League [SURVEY ON PAGE 70]
Re: Barely Street Legal League [epilogue]
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Re: Barely Street Legal League [epilogue]
"Attempted murder? Attempted? Murder? If I ever find that uptight, crinkle-nosed, pony-tailed dyke who thinks she's a "cop" riding around with a 70's porn star wannabe using technology reserved for the military and STILL lost, she will wish she had died before she ever met me face to face! There won't be charges next time. She will vanish into the ether without so much as a trace of her ever existing! But not before I remove her skin inch by inch, starting with her eyelids...."
*ring ring* "Hello? No, I wasn't saying anything about what happened in Germany. I don't know what you're talking about. Very well. Yes, I will behave. I promise!"
After smashing the phone, certain the "group" was using her phone as a listening device to keep tabs on her after bailing her out of the trouble she had found herself in, Kristina motioned to Fiona, the vivid red head dancing alone at the juke box picking out songs. "Angel of Death" begain on the loudspeakers as Fiona ran over to have a seat and nearly fell to the floor as Kristina grabbed her hand and wisked her out to the dance floor for some good old-fashioned dirty dancing.

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Re: Barely Street Legal League [epilogue]
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Re: Barely Street Legal League [epilogue]

Re: Barely Street Legal League [epilogue]

And of course, Testis and Kodiak were consistently terrible performers

Re: Barely Street Legal League [epilogue]
I was leading the crazy wheels all the way up until the end
Re: Barely Street Legal League [epilogue]
The End
“We must race each other again sometime,” a slightly buzzed Matt, driver of the SD-01 R, yelled over the din at a slightly red-faced Yuri, driver of the Gemina. “Yes,” Yuri yelled back, face close enough to Matt’s that Matt could smell his alcoholic vapours. “That was fantastic, never felt so alive! Let’s meet at another tournament!”
Nearby, Enry smiled a little ruefully as a slightly smug Riley approached him holding two tankards of beer. “That was some great racing. But I told you rear wheel drive was for true sports cars!”
“Yes, I’ll give you that, your car was really something else.” Enry accepted the offered beer, and they clinked tankards. “To racing!”
Away from the merriment, Kristina sat, brooding, smothered in a cloud of leftover wrath. Having already caused one incident, after a lot of placating and apologising, the others had decided that it was best to leave her alone with her shots and her, um, provocative choice of jukebox music.
Auschwitz, the meaning of pain
The way that I want you to die
Slow death, immense decay
Showers that cleanse you of your life
“OKAAAAYYYY!” Strop shouted, trying to drown the awkwardness out with his rum-and-coke powered voice. “IT’S KARAOKE TIME.” There were a few nervous shuffles and glances alternating between the stares they were getting from the other local patrons.
“Did you say karaoke? Coz I thought I heard you say karaoke!” It was Sam, who seemed to be completely oblivious to the nuances of playing a song about the Holocaust in a German pub.
“Yeah. But like, maybe, let’s go to an actual karaoke bar?” Strop threw another glance across the room, seeing the increasingly hostile looks from the other patrons, the panicked look they were getting from Connor, the other pub staff starting to approach them no doubt to have ‘words’ with them, and Kristina dancing with the redhead by the jukebox, realising if they attempted to interrupt whatever the hell was going on over there, Kristina might stab them next. A hundred Euro “tip” later, some quiet pleading not to call the polizei just yet, and most of the remaining participants meandered out on the street again, blinking owlishly and wondering where to go next.
Hannah nudged Kai, “Are those bottles of champagne I see in your hands?”
Kai glanced down and started in apparent surprise to discover the unopened magnums of Krug Grand Cuvée in his grip. “Oh! Whoops! I picked it up to take a look and I guess I forgot to put it down before we left!” He finished with his trademark grin. Hannah groaned and rolled her eyes. “Well go put them away before you get us arrested for your kleptomania and carrying alcohol in a public space both.”
Kai stole another look at the double-sized bottles he was holding. “Uh, I don’t think it’s exactly possible to hide this thing. But I do have another idea.”
The crowd, not yet dispersed, turned around when Kai called out. “You know what we haven’t done yet? The champagne shower for the podium places!” Before anybody else could react, he had tossed one of the bottles at an unsuspecting participant, shook up his remaining bottle, and opened fire at Leo, Riley and Yuri. “Congratulations!”
A spray of foam arced out, then let loose in a deluge upon the winners, and everybody else in the immediate vicinity. At first, there was a mixture of surprise and outrage, then the other bottle popped open and the shower intensified, and at the inevitable prospect of being drenched in champagne, everybody came together, dancing and laughing amongst the golden drops. The bottle was passed around from person to person, and in a matter of seconds it mattered not who won or not, the streets were alive with celebration and as much cheek as cheer, chasing each other with the bottle as much as squabbling over the bottle to take a swig from the dwindling stream.
“So,” Sam, departing from the scrum with his parka covered in droplet stains, slung an arm around Strop’s shoulders. “You mentioned karaoke. I was hoping you would, because I happen to be the king of karaoke.”
“That’s impossible,” Strop scoffed. “Because I’m the king of karaoke.”
“Last I heard, you weren’t a blond haired blue eyed, devastatingly handsome racing driver by the name of Sam Neil,” Sam stared daggers at Strop. Strop butted his head up against Sam’s in return. “Let us settle this like men. We need a bar, with a jukebox, stat.”
“Oh, how cute, the boys want to play!” A curiously friendly Noah wrapped both his lanky arms around Sam and Strop in a creepy group hug, before flashing them a toothy smile. “Well, I’m the queen of karaoke, bitches.”
“Bring it, foxy,” Strop snarled. Noah didn’t stop smiling.
“That’s Your Highness to you, horseface.”
The night was barely getting started, and the energy picked up while the moon rose. It was only a matter of streets before the party of the Barely Street Legal League found another bar that would take them. The tips were paid, the drinks changed hand, the coins clattered into the jukebox and they were off again. At first, it started off with low key classics everybody knew, but less than half an hour in and the selections became increasingly anthemic, then eclectic, swinging wildly from the Beatles and Elvis to Elton John, and then Disney, and then, for good measure, Rammstein, which made all the locals cringe at Strop’s horrible German. But things started really heating up when, to keep the throats well oiled, the boys started slamming the shots back and Strop and Noah really let loose with a falsetto-off, starting with the apocalyptic strains of Muse, and then, of all things, the sugary pop of Mika.
I’ve been crying, for so loooong,
Fighting tears just to carry on,
But now, but now, it’s gone away.
“I’M SURPRISED YOU’RE BOTH STILL HERE,” Hannah yelled at Sam and Tesla over the enormous din of wobbly caterwauling. Sam, still struggling to recover from the latest assault on his vocal cords, couldn’t speak, but Tesla cocked one ear. “WHADDYA MEAN?”
“OH, YOU KNOW, THAT YOU HAVEN’T PICKED ANYBODY UP YET.” Hannah explained.
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT,” Tesla barked. “LOOK, I’M PICKING SOMEONE UP RIGHT NOW,” and with that, she wrapped her arms around a Kai nursing his one beer, and much to his horror, lifted him off the couch.
"For helvede, ikk’ igen", Kai muttered.
“Oh damn, I’m up!” Sam suddenly came back to life, as the familiar strains of arguably the greatest classic of them all played over the speakers. “WE’RE ALL UP!”
Is this the real life,
Is this just fantasy,
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality…
One by one, everybody picked up on the song, and eventually the whole room was belting out the universal rhapsody to end all rhapsodies.
Five minutes later, and Noah and Strop were seated on one couch, drunkenly bestowing titles upon each other: “You are, the King of Karaoke.” “No, then, I dub thee, the Emperor of Karaoke.” “By the power vested in me as Emperor of Karaoke, I dub thee… the LORD ARCH POPE of Karaoke…” Sam and Kai were on another couch, when Sam glanced at Kai meaningfully. “Say, I won, didn’t I.”
“Won what?” Kai arched an eyebrow.
“Our bet.” Sam beamed, arms folded. “I beat you in Nordschleife, therefore I must have won the tournament between us, right?”
“Actually, you’re wrong.” Kai put up one finger, fishing around in his pocket for a tablet device that had mysteriously found its way into his jacket pocket. “And I have the proof here.” He booted up the device, and lo and behold, the times and the points for all the events were listed on the screen. “As you can see,” he said, scrolling through, “The total points as allotted assuming that our cars were also in the competition are here… and the winner is… me.” He flashed Sam a huge grin. “Meanwhile, you got beaten by an estate wagon.”
Sam’s mouth gaped open and while it was not visible in the darkness of the karaoke bar, he felt several shades paler. “No! That can’t be.”
“I’m afraid it is so, Sam,” Kai shrugged with a dramatic pout. “You lose.”
“No! You cheated! The tournament was not balanced right! Just because your car was faster in a straight line! I’m still the better driver!” Sam started jabbing a wild finger at Kai.
“Sorry dude, rules are rules,” Strop, who had recovered enough to listen in on the most important conversation, interjected. “And you agreed to it, so I must say, this bet is ruled in favour of Kai.”
"So, how was it..." Kai put his arm around Sam's shoulders, pulling him down a little to Kai's slighter height. "A tattoo, was it? 'Loser' written on the forehead?" Sam's eyes widened, suddenly remembering his gloating words over the tour.
Hannah and Tesla joined the little group curiously. "You mentioned streaking through town too, if I remember correctly." Hannah and Tesla nodded solemnly, and Sam started to look horrified now that it was made very clear there had been witnesses to his - uh - ideas. Kai paused for a moment, looking thoughtful, then he smiled with devilish glee. "And inviting Jaws for a date!"
"I... That... The winner was obviously found in the entirely wrong way here!" Sam straightened and shook off Kai, while Tesla was trying very hard not to laugh. "This isn't fair!"
"You would have forced me to." Kai said innocently. "I would not!" Kai's smile widened slightly. "So, remind me, has Sven gotten that tattoo removed you-"
"That's beside the point!"
“OH SHIT!” In a spectacularly delayed reaction, Strop suddenly bolted upright on the couch, causing everybody to fall over in surprise. Strop punched one fist into his other palm. “I just remembered, where the hell is Reece?”
Strop wandered off in a daze, trying to figure out what had happened to the beastly croc, and backtrack to the last time he had been accounted for, never to discover the legendary struggle of Reece, the methamphetamine addled croc, and the great battle of Nordschleife in which he had taken on fifty German cops at once for over twenty four hours… heck, the rumours suggested the battle is still carrying on, somewhere in the forests, to this day.
Kai leaned closer to Sam and whispered conspiratorially. "It's alright, don't worry. Actually... could you do me a bit of a favour... you know, since I am now saving you from permanent humiliation?"
"Sure?" Sam said, without thinking.
"You see, Dan expects us home again in a day or two, but I was thinking... Perhaps I could take a little vacation. It's not too far from home, this." Kai motioned vaguely with his hands.
"Oh right, you are Dutch. I keep forgetting."
Kai stared at Sam for a moment, then decided to let his characteristic cultural incompetence slide for once. "... Yeah... So, I thought perhaps you could, I don't know, cover for me or something?"
Sam looked at Kai with an expression that spoke volumes of how empty his head was. "Cover for you?"
"It's nothing. Just a few explanations as to why I won't be on the plane, stuff like that." Kai shrugged. Sam nodded and gave him a huge smile. "Sure, I can do that!"
"Thanks Sam, you're a pal." Kai patted him on the shoulder and rose from the couch, making his way through the front doors of the bar.
Strop was outside for just a minute to get some fresh air. The next thing he knew, the branches of the short hedge were jabbing him in the back, and someone was nudging his hoof. "Smile!"
Strop managed to open his eyes just in time to be partially blinded by a flash from a camera, then entirely blinded by the giant grin that flashed moments later. "Ugh, what are you doing..." He pawed at the phone, which was just out of reach, while Kai tabbed the screen. "Send to... All contacts..." Kai mumbled, obviously exactly loud enough for Strop to hear.
Strop, not so ninja after the amount of alcohol consumption he had been part of, pawed more desperately at the phone and managed to finally snatch it away from Kai. Then he took a proper look at it. "Wait, this is mine... Did you pickpocket me?" He stared at Kai in disbelief.
Kai merely shrugged. "It depends on your definition."
Strop tried his best to glare at Kai, but his brow didn’t have the coordination to be convincing. "Did you take it out of my pocket without me noticing??"
"Yes." Kai nodded, then pulled his hood over his head. Strop stared at him in further disbelief, until Kai disappeared into the hedge next to him. Strop patted the branches down a bit and turned his head, and sure enough, Kai was lying next to him, arms behind his head and everything. "It's quite the view, you found here." Strop blinked and looked up at the dark night sky, which was further darknened by a heavy blanket of clouds and looked increadibly boring now that he thought about it. "Oh, and..." Kai sat up. Strop, curious and oddly lightheaded, sat up as well, just to get a bottle of beer thrust into his hands. He looked at it for a moment, and much to the dismay of the little voice of reason in his head, took a swig.
"This is some weak shit..." He mumbled, the taste familiar, but his mouth so numbed by everything else that it- "Yeah, I pissed in it." Strop spat and coughed hard, almost choking after the sharp intake of air he took a moment before. Kai doubled over, hardly able to breathe through paroxysms of laughter. For the same reason, Strop's angry questioning noises didn't get a reply until he could finally gasp out a "Relax," and, "It's water". Strop glared at him, and put down the bottle slowly, like it was an actual biohazard, mostly because he wasn't sure it wasn't, and waited for Kai to catch his breath, continuing the glare all the while.
"Sorry." Kai finally said, looking completely unapologetic. "It's really just water." He took a swig himself for added credibility, and put it back on the ground. "Thought you might need it." Strop eyed it suspiciously. Kai shrugged and got up. "And go inside soon, it's not very warm out here."
"And where are you going?" Strop asked, fighting his way to his hooves, the alcohol seemingly rushing back to this head. "I'm a bit tired, so I'll just go home." Strop paused at the word choice, but shrugged it off. "What about the others?"
Kai flashed him a grin. "Still going strong, but I taught Sam how to order beer in German, so if he doesn't find some equally drunk girl to follow home, you might need to carry him." Strop stared at him for a minute and sighed. "Okay, I think it's time to sober up..."
"Up to you." Kai smiled and shrugged. "I'll be off, then." "Yeah, see you tomorrow." Strop waved, his mind already distracted. Kai gave him a wave back and wandered down the street, hands in pockets and a smile on his face.
Strop watched him go, and turned back to the front entrance, watching the party trickle out and mill about the front entrance. Tom had his arm around the chronically under-dressed Elena, gregariously inviting everybody back to his headquarters just across the border. Discussions were turning to how to transport cars in various states of disrepair, with the offers pouring in to share transportation services to all corners of the world. A kind soul had picked up a bottle of gin, sparing a thought for the poor hobo still recovering in the hospital for his part in the tournament.
Soon, they would part ways, and the events of the past month would fade into a mist of obscurity. Forever what they had seen and done would be immortalised, not only in their own memories, but also in legend, a myth that engendered unto itself its own unique, changing nature. In secrecy they were sworn, to let what really happened become a matter of conjecture, blurring the border between real life and fantasy. But the moment they were in, the here and now, was their reality, the culmination of the madness and the curiosity that brought them together to burn rubber, belch smoke, and go wheel to wheel like the world had never seen, and would never know.
_______________________________________________________________
Despite having travelled halfway across the globe over the past month, despite the houses, and the nearby towns, Kai still had the impression this sleepy village was the middle of nowhere. Then again, that was how it had always been as long as he could remember. He took a long, deep breath, taking in the air laced with the fragrance of damp earth and fallen leaves. His home town.
In a futile attempt to remain discreet, he tucked Mephisto away from the other cars, though for what it was, it still stood out like a scarlet red sore thumb. As did his jacket. With a sigh and a shrug, he made his way over the picket fence and across the old school yard. Kai had once gone to school in those buildings, but now it had become a kindergarten instead. Yet, fifteen years had not changed it at all, save for the deluge of small kids that flooded out the front door, followed by a slightly harried, bustling homely woman with the diminutive stature he swore he’d inherited, and the occasional grey starting to barely creep in among the loose locks of bright auburn hair he’d known all his life.
"Det er godt nok koldt udenfor ida-" Kai gave a little wave at both his mom and the group of kids around her. It didn't really do the trick, and she continued to stand paralysed, like she was seeing a ghost. Of course, after eight hours on the Autobahn, he didn't look quite alive anymore either. It took his trademark cocky grin to snap her out of it, and rush through the group of kids to wrap her arms around him.
"Jeg var lige i nærheden, så..." Kai murmured, resting his chin on her shoulder. His mom sighed, her face crinkled with both exhaustion and relief. "Skøre unge..." She mumbled into his shoulder, clutching him as if never intending to let go again.
THE END
_______________________________________________________________
Well folks, there you have it. The story really did get out of hand, but after a point it was a matter of duty to finish it off as properly as I could! Assuming there's a next time, I'll definitely be prepared for something better organised.
Thanks everybody who took part and who read the story. I'll open a poll to gauge response shortly. Participants, feel free to add your own epilogues or resolutions as you see fit, if you wish to of course. But for now, I bid you all a goodnight and see you around the traps!
Peace, out.
Re: Barely Street Legal League [THE END]
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Re: Barely Street Legal League [SURVEY ON FINAL PAGE]

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Re: Barely Street Legal League [SURVEY ON FINAL PAGE]

Re: Barely Street Legal League [SURVEY ON FINAL PAGE]
Thanks to all who replied. There is quite a decent turnout so far, which in itself I find heartening. So far, in summary:
- The overall response to the story overall is overwhelmingly positive. Most of you are raring to go again in some way or another.
- There's a much more even split as far as willingness to write your own part, so I will very likely account for this when opening up the next installment by tailoring your involvement to your interest.
- There's actually also an even split between those who thought this was either barely, or NOT mad enough (which is disturbing, what do you want, DragonBall Z!?), and those who thought maybe I should tone it down a bit. This is probably my biggest conundrum.
- The vast majority of you are perfectly content with the format and scoring of the tournament. Nonetheless I can think of some ways to improve it, but I won't make any fundamental changes. It'll still be all MAKE OVERPOWERED CAR GO FAST, just like this one.

I would not expect a BSLL 2 until at least August, so... there's plenty of time and most likely, by this point, a new build and the Steam release anyway, so I say let it stew


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Re: Barely Street Legal League [SURVEY ON FINAL PAGE]
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