Barely Street Legal League [SURVEY ON PAGE 70]

[07CobaltGirl]

@thetom: having seen that pants wetting performance, Hamster just HAD to have a go.

@8bs: FINALLY, THE PUNCHLINE IS DELIVERED. Only took 5 rounds for someone to make mention of your awful naming choices

@kristina: were you being sarcastic when you ranked yourself boy scout? Because that definitely earns you madness points!

I don't understand the question. You don't think I am courageous, confident, and have character? (The Girl Scout qualities) Are Boy Scout qualities different?

Oh, and I'm not sure if I am up to finishing my RP tonight. Maybe we can disregard or you can run with it?

[Pleb]

Jezza approached the Cottam Elegance DA.

"Well, here she is, looks as crazy as it feels." I beamed at the car.

"Haha, umm, did your bonnet fly off on the way here or something?" Jeremy joked, Aaron greeted the snide remark with a half-hearted giggle. The same reply anyone got when they joked at anything of his.

"Just get in and you'll see some action."

Jeremy clambered in and started the engine. His jaw dropped as his ears were filled with an eruption of mechanical madness. "What did you DO to this?!" He was mortified, but in a good way. The sound of the car only hinted at the kind of power this thing was pushing. He timidly rolled away from the gang of cars and drivers, and set off for his review.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Now. This piece of witchcraft is a creation built by a small company called Cottam Auto Group, based in the Isle of Man - a place I know and love, and also a place notorious for it's love of speed. And it definitely shows in this car." Clarkson jabbed the accelerator and the turbo spooled and the car lurched forward at a rate clearly surpassing anything he'd driven before.
"OH MY GOD! MUMMY! How did my life come to this?! This thing is going to kill me! One hundred and seventy miles an hour.. one ninety.. two hundred.. two TEN! I can't do it, I've got to slow down." Jeremy did so, breathlessly.

"Ha ha, oh dear. This thing is really something... I'm lucky not to have wet my pants there. Now they say that this beast can actually reach speeds in excess of two hundred and FORTY miles an hour. No. Not fourteen. FORTY. That's Veyron territory! The idea for this car, and for this league in general, must have been a result of someone getting stoned off their head. Or dropped on their head." Jeremy had to shout over the noise of the engine, just as if he was in a fully-fledged race car.

"I really don't know why they called this the Elegance. I mean, it may have the body of a sophisticated luxury sedan, but the rest of it looks like it was designed by a five-year-old with no hands. And it's uncomfortable, it's noisy, it's horribly impractical, and it weighs more than my house!"

"Essentially, this is a huge 'luxury' barge, with a large six-cylinder engine stuffed into it, with a massive turbo to boot. So this thing certainly doesn't do subtle." At just the right moment, Jeremy aptly swung the car full-force into the Hammerhead, and speared off in a flurry of tyre smoke.

There is a shot of the car shooting down the runway in a panoramic view.
"This car stands for one thing, and one thing only. Speed. It can't stand for anything else. And that's why we love it.
You'd have to be bonkers to drive this car. And if this car was sitting on your driveway, you'd be bonkers if you didn't."

And the footage fades to black in true TG review fashion.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[OOC] I actually spent over 2 hours writing a segment for this RP, and as I hit submit, Windows 8 did that thing where it said my connection was limited, and it didn't submit. So this is actually just an attempt to rewrite the RP from memory, and I think I nailed most of the main things. Just very annoying .

As for the madness scale thing, I'd say right now I'm at a 2. I may still go on a mentalist journey at some point, or I wouldn't mind turning a bit mad in a scene written by someone else, I'll just roll with whatever happens in this mad rollercoaster of strange and amazing shit. But right now I'm just writing as if I'm just like I am in real life, as I've never done any RP before, or even wrote any proper story before.

Oh and one more thing, I'm loving the little fun facts and stats every now and then Strop!

[Manche]

(OOC) I may need May or Hamster to hop into my monster.....

[strop]

@ manche: I take it you mean to review. I'll put something in!

@kristina: take your time. I'm going to run with this a day longer due to outstanding response (looks like some of you have just been itching to emulate their style, it's great, I can just imagine them saying stuff like that).

@pleb: no pressure, just be whoever you are and what comes natural, its the best way of going about things. Honestly I kind of wanted my characters to be madder but they got more sensible as time went on! Had this been taking place maybe two years back when they were just starting out, then it might have been a different story...

[Manche]

@ manche: I take it you mean to review. I'll put something in!

@kristina: take your time. I'm going to run with this a day longer due to outstanding response (looks like some of you have just been itching to emulate their style, it's great, I can just imagine them saying stuff like that).

@pleb: no pressure, just be whoever you are and what comes natural, its the best way of going about things. Honestly I kind of wanted my characters to be madder but they got more sensible as time went on! Had this been taking place maybe two years back when they were just starting out, then it might have been a different story...

Thanks horsie.. have a carrot

[strop]

Okay so while everything else is going on, here's a madness meter that's being compiled, lol.

[3rayman3]

I think I'm a solid 9.5

[8bs]

@thetom: having seen that pants wetting performance, Hamster just HAD to have a go.

@8bs: FINALLY, THE PUNCHLINE IS DELIVERED. Only took 5 rounds for someone to make mention of your awful naming choices

@kristina: were you being sarcastic when you ranked yourself boy scout? Because that definitely earns you madness points!

As we can see, the name is very discreet indeed!

Btw, yeah 8 fits perfectly! It means that i can drink one more bottle per day, and the appetizers help me to maintain some sanity.

[07CobaltGirl]

Why do you need "sanity"???? It's completely overrated.

[Manche]

Why do you need "sanity"???? It's completely overrated.

To avoid the Madhouse :3

and by the way...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGHsxMqpL0c

I see many BSLL racers there after is all over

[8bs]

Why do you need "sanity"???? It's completely overrated.

Ok, maybe you're right. Strop, 2 will fit perfectly.

EDIT: I was seeing things upside down... like: bigger the number less the madness...

[07CobaltGirl]

Why do you need "sanity"???? It's completely overrated.

To avoid the Madhouse :3

and by the way...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGHsxMqpL0c

I see many BSLL racers there after is all over

Anthrax is awesome!!

[nialloftara]

[Ooc] I would love to write something up about the presenters reviewing my car, but I'm working something like 28 of the next 48 hours so I'm going to have to pass on this one.

Basic idea http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1lckc_top-gear-lamborghini-diablo-test-dr_auto

[strop]

[ooc]There's been a great response to the opportunity to write the Top Gear hosts checking out your cars. In the interests of time, I will forge ahead with the next set of results, but I would still encourage people submit any material on this even afterwards, as I will actually go back to my original post and edit that, and eventually all the material will be archived. The posting of the next results is going to take me a little time, so I would say one more day and they'll be up.

[07CobaltGirl]

Considering everything, your existence is actually rather refreshing. I think the breakdown of characters here is approximately as follows:

Boy scouts: 5
A little bit loose: 13
Party animals: 8
Completely bonkers: 2

[OOC]
I am totally Scout material!!!

[BIC] Kristina watched the TG cast arrive. One of her favorite shows, despite Captain Slow and Clarkson being a part of it. Her car would not impress either of them. It was American built. In fact, it would downright soil both of their pants by Willson. Richard, on the other hand, was her car's type, though he wouldn't recognize it until he drove it. It was an American car which he loved. It was a supercar engine tuned beyond belief and turbocharged. And it was virtually undrivable! After the segments were completed, she approached him.

"I love you!," she exclaimed. "I apreciate your own skill evaluation. Your infantile disregard for obvious danger until it finally presents itself. And you're just plain beautiful." She pulled him to her, layed a kiss on him so his wife would be jealous, and then tossed him over her shoulder in a Fireman's Carry. Of course he screamed about her being a crazy bitch while kicking his feet and flailing his arms about wildly. She took him to the drivers seat of the E30 and dropped him into the seat. "I'm going to pay you to drive this thing like you stole it. No cameras. No commentary. Of course that is entirely your choice."

The Hamster looked up at the dirty blonde, still clad in full leathers and combat boots. "Who in the bloody hell are you? And what do you mean, 'Pay me'?"

"I am Kristina Swanson, the owner of Swanson Motorsports Engineering in Atlanta, Georgia. I built this beast you're sitting in." She smirked. His eyes actually got wider, if that were even possible. "I am offering you 100k€ to make 15 laps on this. Start slow and learn the car. Every sequential lap has to be faster or you'll only get 1k€ and it will be over. What do you say?"

Richard looked her as if she were mad (which she was), thought a moment, and began to reply. As he started to speak, Clarkson spoke up instead. "You've GOT to do it, and on camera!" A classic Clarkson shit-eating grin followed. Hamster agreed, and they all laughed.

[OOC] I will finish this in a bit. Feeling a little rough and attempting this on an iPhone, which took a little over an hour.

[OOC] OK, I will try to finish this. Head isn't so much in it, but at least I'm home with a laptop again. Still have stitches and a tube in my belly for drainage, so it hurts a lot to sit up.

[BIC]
"Well let's see what we have to work with. Classic style E30, M3. American V8? Those are certainly some small tires if it is and associated with this group." Hamster lifted the hood and found motor at ever corner of the bay and spotting the head cover fins still saying "CORVETTE". "Is this a Corvette LS7? With twin turbos too. Definitely a scary proposition in this tiny 3 series."

"Rear wheel drive still, too, and rolling on 275/30-16 front and 305/30-16 rears. No driver assists, not even power brakes. Nothing but the driver, the car, and the road. The way driving was meant to be!" Kristina started spouting off the cars specs and characteristics. "M22 Muncie 4 speed transmission, ceramic slotted 10.5" rotors on all corners, and.." Captain Slow spoke with a laugh in his voice.

"1260 horsepower to those tiny wheels. You'll never be able to drive this car."

"I drove it halfway across the US, and in a few other places around the world already. The car is 100% legal, passes US emissions, is legally registered in the US, as indicated by my custom Georgia license plate "LNUXGRL", and is drivable!"

Hammond spoke up again. "So, you're going to pay me 100k if I can drive this 15 laps and constantly go faster each time around?"

"Yes, that is the deal. The only catch is, your first lap has to beat 1:37. In other words, you can't go slower than the Porsche 986 Boxster on your first lap, which should be a breeze since the even the M3 Evolution is faster than the 986. This car is completely capable of reaching 240 mph, as proven by me. On this track, my estimates are you should be able to reach around 140mph, despite the inevitable wheel-spin."

Clarkson was laughing still as Hammond took off for the first lap. He looked nervous as he inched up to the line, and the constant badgering from Clarkson hadn't helped any. A girlish scream could be imagined from the face of Richard Hammond on camera, though it was completely drowned out by the roar of the massive engine and turbo whine, accompanied by tire squealing completely through 1st and 2nd as the car headed into Wilson. Heavy braking was required to manage through the first real turn, and after rounding Chicago, Hammond rocketed the car toward Hammerhead, reaching 210km/h before braking again in a power-slide all the way around it. He managed to maintain control exiting, and powered it to Follow-Through, but had to lift as the power was absolutely more than the tires could take from there through Bentley, where the car actually got all 4 wheels off the tarmac before bouncing back on and into Second-To-Last where the brakes were once again overworked. He chopped the grass heading into Gambon, clipped the inside grass on the corner, and was off the track again at the finish.

"I've got this," Hammond's lips read on camera, as he continued into lap 2. His lap 1 time registered 1:36.59, and now he had a rolling start hitting Crooner at well over 150km/h. He spun out completely in Wilson. A nearly full 360, and exited the curve half off the track before rounding Chicago quite short, which hurt the speed. He only reached 195km/h before braking into Hammerhead the 2nd time, and managed a full power-slide through with a near perfect exit. It appeared he was getting the hang of it. He managed no-lift all the way through Follow-Through and Bentley, kept it on the track at Second-To-Last, and actually only barely clipped the inside of Gambon. Time, 1:35.23, and he launched back into lap 3.

Laps 3-12 were similar, spin-outs and all, with incremental increases. Lap13 finished in 1:31.08 and the excitement of taming the E30 beast was written all over his face. Hammond managed to finish all 15 laps, meeting the conditions, and a final time of 1:30.05, as he plotted off the track after the last rounding of Gambon, nearly hitting the sign before finally stopping. The door flew open and a thankful Hamster rolled out onto the ground grasping at the grass around him. "I did it! I bloody did it!"

Kristina walked over and dropped a duffel back next to Hammond's limp figure. "Thanks, hon," she said in a congratulatory tone, as she got in the car, and drove it back to the rest of the group.

[OOC] I got tired at the end, so I just hurried it along.