
Turbocharged
Posts: 68
Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2012 6:13 am
Cars: Trabant 601 Universal -77
Oldsmobile Delta 88 Diesel -79
Chevrolet Caprice Wagon -89
Fiat 126P -92
Volvo P210 -68
Ford Taurus -89
Horrible Cars Designs Inc. Presents...
I had created a monster. One could say that it's inspired by old camels, the noise that seagulls make when they are hungry and the headaches from a bad hangover.
I decided it would be named the "Slobbie" because it incorporates all the stupid things of artsy, hipster wanna-bes and a drunken hobo puking in the gutter.
As it turned out, it doesn't look modern, '70s-styled or retro-futuristic in any way... Let's just call them "original" and hope that God have mercy on my soul, and all of yours too for that matter. Sales pitch is in the file comments.
Next up i decided that we need a more modest car, yet luxurious, something that would breathe elegance, discreeteness and correctness. The kind of experience that bring to mind the scent of fresh fruits, the taste of a good wine and a french cheese on those luxurious small toasts they offer at upper-class, artsy parties with live bands. The engine would remind you of hummingbirds, a cool summer breeze in your hair, the kind of silence and good virtue which could tuck in a small baby for a quiet nights sleep. It would be named "Stradivarius" and make any Rolls Royce or Bentley look like trashcans behind a dirty hamburger-shack, tipped over by bums and hobos. I went for twin quadruple lights on each side as i thopught it would look cool, sleek and futuristic, now i remember it is exactly like that the hideous "Wagon Queen" or whatever it was called was styled in the "National Lampoon" movie...
Either case, about the design it turns out that the nice wine had gone sour, the cheese rancid and those fresh fruits rotten and full of maggots. The mentioned party with expensive snacks was a meeting for slobs who punch each other in the junk while screaming in funny accents and eating foul fish, the music was distorted and the hummingbirds was a lawnmower in very bad contition running trough a pile of gravel. At least it doesn't make small children scream in terror and make old folks get heart attacks like it's smaller sibling the "Slobbie", but i seriously doubt that any respected person would sit in this one. I pray for my future access to this forum as i push the "Upload"-button and hope the admins doesn't ban me to kingdom come after this one, as always, sales pitch in the comment:
I'm not certain at this point that i will be making any more cars as i'm honestly feeling slightly distressed at my "skills" as a car designer, but if you will i can attempt to make a sporty coupé guaranteed to get everyone else off the racing-track or highway by shock and coma resulting from looking at it!
BREAKING NEWS! (Literally breaking as in your very eyes, as you'll soon find out...)
The "nice" people and Llamas at Horrible Cars Designs Inc. realized after dozens of hate-mails and generally nasty opinions from car-reviewers as well as punches to the nose that they had to shape up and make something decent.
Inspired by staring into a brick wall for several hours and smoking lot's of nasty tar-filled Iranian cigarettes, they decided to hurl eachother to the drawing board as no-one was keen to begin first. A suitable engine was found at the bottom of a local cesspool at the waste-treatment plant and a gearbox from a tractor was given some good smashing with a sledgehammer to fit. Tested exclusively in a wind-tunnel made out of an office fan, said cigarette smoke and some sheets of cardboard this was sure to make the design team get their first paycheck since beginning their career at Horrible Cars Designs Inc some 7 years back.
At the unveilment show for the new "Barbarian" sports coupé, involuntarily sponsored by the "Monsanto" corporation and the local pub-owner, the mighty crowd of 3 bums and one mountain gorilla could watch in awe as the car of their nightmares was unveiled in front of them to the tunes of a bootleg-cassette played from a broken 80's Walkman!
Please share your impressions and don't hate, take it all with a pinch of salt and a good portion of humour!

This post is not meant to offend anyone, still, if you feel in some way insulted, offended or in any other way feels bad about this thread please let me know and i will apologize and edit accordingly.