Turbocharged
Posts: 68
Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2012 6:13 am
Cars: Trabant 601 Universal -77
Oldsmobile Delta 88 Diesel -79
Chevrolet Caprice Wagon -89
Fiat 126P -92
Volvo P210 -68
Ford Taurus -89
Wed Jul 31, 2013 11:31 am
Horrible Cars Designs Inc. Presents...
I was looking at some of you folks absolutely astonishing designs and hurled myself at the drawing board, trying to create 2 cars that would sport modern, futuristic looks blended with some of the less-awful bits of '70s cars and retro-futuristic concepts from my delusional mind. Look to the left on "My cars" and see where i was getting my inspiration from, looking out in the garden at my misplaced cars on the driveway. As the shapes appeared in front of me while i was designing i realized i had not only created an eyesore, it was a disgrace! But i carried on, hoping it would redeem itself in the end. It didn't...
I had created a monster. One could say that it's inspired by old camels, the noise that seagulls make when they are hungry and the headaches from a bad hangover.
I decided it would be named the "Slobbie" because it incorporates all the stupid things of artsy, hipster wanna-bes and a drunken hobo puking in the gutter.
As it turned out, it doesn't look modern, '70s-styled or retro-futuristic in any way... Let's just call them "original" and hope that God have mercy on my soul, and all of yours too for that matter. Sales pitch is in the file comments.
Next up i decided that we need a more modest car, yet luxurious, something that would breathe elegance, discreeteness and correctness. The kind of experience that bring to mind the scent of fresh fruits, the taste of a good wine and a french cheese on those luxurious small toasts they offer at upper-class, artsy parties with live bands. The engine would remind you of hummingbirds, a cool summer breeze in your hair, the kind of silence and good virtue which could tuck in a small baby for a quiet nights sleep. It would be named "Stradivarius" and make any Rolls Royce or Bentley look like trashcans behind a dirty hamburger-shack, tipped over by bums and hobos. I went for twin quadruple lights on each side as i thopught it would look cool, sleek and futuristic, now i remember it is exactly like that the hideous "Wagon Queen" or whatever it was called was styled in the "National Lampoon" movie...
Either case, about the design it turns out that the nice wine had gone sour, the cheese rancid and those fresh fruits rotten and full of maggots. The mentioned party with expensive snacks was a meeting for slobs who punch each other in the junk while screaming in funny accents and eating foul fish, the music was distorted and the hummingbirds was a lawnmower in very bad contition running trough a pile of gravel. At least it doesn't make small children scream in terror and make old folks get heart attacks like it's smaller sibling the "Slobbie", but i seriously doubt that any respected person would sit in this one. I pray for my future access to this forum as i push the "Upload"-button and hope the admins doesn't ban me to kingdom come after this one, as always, sales pitch in the comment:
I'm not certain at this point that i will be making any more cars as i'm honestly feeling slightly distressed at my "skills" as a car designer, but if you will i can attempt to make a sporty coupé guaranteed to get everyone else off the racing-track or highway by shock and coma resulting from looking at it!
BREAKING NEWS! (Literally breaking as in your very eyes, as you'll soon find out...)
The "nice" people and Llamas at Horrible Cars Designs Inc. realized after dozens of hate-mails and generally nasty opinions from car-reviewers as well as punches to the nose that they had to shape up and make something decent.
Inspired by staring into a brick wall for several hours and smoking lot's of nasty tar-filled Iranian cigarettes, they decided to hurl eachother to the drawing board as no-one was keen to begin first. A suitable engine was found at the bottom of a local cesspool at the waste-treatment plant and a gearbox from a tractor was given some good smashing with a sledgehammer to fit. Tested exclusively in a wind-tunnel made out of an office fan, said cigarette smoke and some sheets of cardboard this was sure to make the design team get their first paycheck since beginning their career at Horrible Cars Designs Inc some 7 years back.
At the unveilment show for the new "Barbarian" sports coupé, involuntarily sponsored by the "Monsanto" corporation and the local pub-owner, the mighty crowd of 3 bums and one mountain gorilla could watch in awe as the car of their nightmares was unveiled in front of them to the tunes of a bootleg-cassette played from a broken 80's Walkman!
Please share your impressions and don't hate, take it all with a pinch of salt and a good portion of humour!
.
This post is not meant to offend anyone, still, if you feel in some way insulted, offended or in any other way feels bad about this thread please let me know and i will apologize and edit accordingly.
I had created a monster. One could say that it's inspired by old camels, the noise that seagulls make when they are hungry and the headaches from a bad hangover.
I decided it would be named the "Slobbie" because it incorporates all the stupid things of artsy, hipster wanna-bes and a drunken hobo puking in the gutter.
As it turned out, it doesn't look modern, '70s-styled or retro-futuristic in any way... Let's just call them "original" and hope that God have mercy on my soul, and all of yours too for that matter. Sales pitch is in the file comments.
- It's the "Slobbie", a pretentious, clumsy and wannabe-artsy car that perform at it's best when it's on the main street, annoying people. Under the hood we find a noisy, smelly and blatantly underperforming I4 running on the finest leaded gasoline from Outer Mongolia coupled to the latest 3-speed column-shifter we found abandoned in a barn in southern Kazakhstan. Styled by a drooling Llama and his team of well-renowned exiled car designers from Transnistria, Deception Island and Greenland, this small hatchback will only set you back 40,000 $US, not including taxes. No warranty or return policy.
- Please forgive me for this.png (891.92 KiB) Viewed 6847 times
Next up i decided that we need a more modest car, yet luxurious, something that would breathe elegance, discreeteness and correctness. The kind of experience that bring to mind the scent of fresh fruits, the taste of a good wine and a french cheese on those luxurious small toasts they offer at upper-class, artsy parties with live bands. The engine would remind you of hummingbirds, a cool summer breeze in your hair, the kind of silence and good virtue which could tuck in a small baby for a quiet nights sleep. It would be named "Stradivarius" and make any Rolls Royce or Bentley look like trashcans behind a dirty hamburger-shack, tipped over by bums and hobos. I went for twin quadruple lights on each side as i thopught it would look cool, sleek and futuristic, now i remember it is exactly like that the hideous "Wagon Queen" or whatever it was called was styled in the "National Lampoon" movie...
Either case, about the design it turns out that the nice wine had gone sour, the cheese rancid and those fresh fruits rotten and full of maggots. The mentioned party with expensive snacks was a meeting for slobs who punch each other in the junk while screaming in funny accents and eating foul fish, the music was distorted and the hummingbirds was a lawnmower in very bad contition running trough a pile of gravel. At least it doesn't make small children scream in terror and make old folks get heart attacks like it's smaller sibling the "Slobbie", but i seriously doubt that any respected person would sit in this one. I pray for my future access to this forum as i push the "Upload"-button and hope the admins doesn't ban me to kingdom come after this one, as always, sales pitch in the comment:
- Up here is the "Stradivarius", the latest in sub-par luxury to ever roll out of a refigerator factory. Sporting a body made of 100% massive Cast iron imported from quality firms in North Korea, Ivory Coast and Siberia we guarantee you'll survive tank-shells, mines and lesser nuclear blasts provided you survive the bills at the gas-station. Upholstery is made from 80% discount wool from several former Soviet republics and 20% chemical leftovers from China, we also guarantee you will always be able to call in sick from ANY meeting after an hour back there. AC is run on good old Freon vented into the rear seat to dazzle and confuse any potential business parters as well as yourself and the hopefully volunteering driver!
Included in a sealed lead box under the rear seat (Refer to pages 51 to 682 in the manual for removal) you will find a cyanide pill and a 1-shot pistol, loaded for emergency suicide attempts. Lifetime warranty against nuclear holocaust and the moon imploding also included! (Does not cover damage to passengers, driver or pets locked in the trunk) - At least it doesnt make people cry.png (784.81 KiB) Viewed 6847 times
I'm not certain at this point that i will be making any more cars as i'm honestly feeling slightly distressed at my "skills" as a car designer, but if you will i can attempt to make a sporty coupé guaranteed to get everyone else off the racing-track or highway by shock and coma resulting from looking at it!
BREAKING NEWS! (Literally breaking as in your very eyes, as you'll soon find out...)
The "nice" people and Llamas at Horrible Cars Designs Inc. realized after dozens of hate-mails and generally nasty opinions from car-reviewers as well as punches to the nose that they had to shape up and make something decent.
Inspired by staring into a brick wall for several hours and smoking lot's of nasty tar-filled Iranian cigarettes, they decided to hurl eachother to the drawing board as no-one was keen to begin first. A suitable engine was found at the bottom of a local cesspool at the waste-treatment plant and a gearbox from a tractor was given some good smashing with a sledgehammer to fit. Tested exclusively in a wind-tunnel made out of an office fan, said cigarette smoke and some sheets of cardboard this was sure to make the design team get their first paycheck since beginning their career at Horrible Cars Designs Inc some 7 years back.
At the unveilment show for the new "Barbarian" sports coupé, involuntarily sponsored by the "Monsanto" corporation and the local pub-owner, the mighty crowd of 3 bums and one mountain gorilla could watch in awe as the car of their nightmares was unveiled in front of them to the tunes of a bootleg-cassette played from a broken 80's Walkman!
- Inspired by manly man-things like brick walls, hangovers, asbestos and hunting bears with axes while bare-chested, the "Barbarian" promises utter discomfort, constant tinnitus and periodic attacks of vomiting as you surge past Tractors, elderly people in Trabants and kids on tricycles on the highway. The engine is a random piece of equipment tuned to imperfection by our blind mechanics in a smelly shed and offers sub-standard power ratings and abysmal acceleration to the cost of an outrageous fuel-bill. The sledge-bashed transmission will make you look cool on any parking lot, tearing and ripping trough the gears to find the reverse. Listen to the mighty tunes of the lastest Stereo-8 Cassettes that comes mounted as standard, welded in place to prevent theft and/or changing of the unit itself by a disgusted driver. Exhaust song is provided by recycled sewage-pipes incorrectly mounted together to allow more-or-less leakage into the drivers compartment to dazzle the ladies with a nice manly smell of lubricants and sub-par fuel mixtures. Seat lining is 100% human skin, your own skin that is, and a dashboard made of real, authentic Balsa-wood and plaster. Included as standard you will find a dull axe and a shotgun in very poor condition located in the trunk, which is itself opened with axe and shotgun. If this doesn't appeal to your animal instinct, NOTHING WILL!
- The Barbarian.png (533.33 KiB) Viewed 6606 times
Please share your impressions and don't hate, take it all with a pinch of salt and a good portion of humour!
. This post is not meant to offend anyone, still, if you feel in some way insulted, offended or in any other way feels bad about this thread please let me know and i will apologize and edit accordingly.
Last edited by Raticon on Thu Aug 01, 2013 4:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
*chugga chugga chugga...VROOOM!*
. Please fix them for me Daffy, my birthday is in September 
