The Highway Patrol Challenge [Reviews]

[Lordred]

Good job Tycondero, the reviews convey the important bits in a different approach over the others I've seen so far. The dialogue between the characters comes off a little rough though, mostly due to some minor grammar, and syntax errors. I would consider having it proof-read prior to posting if that is an option.

But overall it was a good read, you were able to get the important parts across and I would be more than willing to enter into your next competition.


On a side note I still personally feel that Utility was way under rated for this event, but that is just personal opinion. I look forward to the next one.

[nerd]

Well, the Ordures V8 finally did what the original couldn't: Place last in the competition. (I intentionally made the original Ordures in Lordred's 8 track V6 competition as bad as possible, and it placed 18/20th)

[Tycondero]

Good job Tycondero, the reviews convey the important bits in a different approach over the others I've seen so far. The dialogue between the characters comes off a little rough though, mostly due to some minor grammar, and syntax errors. I would consider having it proof-read prior to posting if that is an option.

I'm not a native english speaker (in case you haven't noticed), so no doubt there will be some issues there. About proof-reading, well I do not know whom to approach for that in future. Would you be up for that? This is the first time I ever write something like this, I'm only used to writing formal english scientific text, so this is actually a bit out of my comfort-zone. Still, I tried to see how it worked out and I'm not too unhappy about the outcome, besides that it sometimes might be a bit more difficult to read due to the compression of the text.

EDIT: Especially the first bit about the chassis was a bit rough imo. Not too happy about that part yet, but didn't want to leave you guys waiting for too long.

[Lordred]

You may ask me to do so in the future if you wish, I did the proof-read and edit for Leo on his Sell on a Monday win on a Sunday economy results. In turn I had asked him and Pyrlix to take a quick read over my review for the WHALES to see if they could find any grievous grammar infractions.

PS: Yes I do know you are not a native English speaker/reader, and I applaud that you are multi-linguistic. Myself, only knowing English, am lazy, and American.

[Leonardo9613]

Second, again. This is quite an annoying trend. Anyway, congratulations to Der Bayer for, yet another, great car.

About the review, this format was interesting, but not optimally executed, as Lordred pointed out. Also, I think a bit more context/scenario description would have been nice, to help the readers situate themselves. But again, that might be nitpicking, as I'm not a huge fan of 3rd person narrations, especially one that needs to accomplish something at the end, therefore being, in essence, a journalistic report. With that being said, I too am planning on changing a bit the writing for the hot hatch section of my challenge. The eco review was purposefully boring, in order to reflect the nature of the cars, the sporty ones should get something more interesting, but I haven't got that figured out just yet.

[strop]

I can feel the heartbreak from here... No Americans, no v8s, no MacPherson and axle, and cruisers that look like family wagons... The Americans must be dying inside

[RobtheFiend]

Point in fact, the MacPherson front suspension was never used on large american cars. They all use a double wishbone suspension up front.
MacPherson gained popularity when the front wheel drive cars started being common.

[Leonardo9613]

I once read an article, about the origins of the McPherson system on the 30s. And it clearly stated that ladder frames weren't rigid enough to provide the mounting points for that kind of suspension, therefore it only became common when monocoque, FWD cars became the norm.

[KLinardo]

I can feel the heartbreak from here... No Americans, no v8s, no MacPherson and axle, and cruisers that look like family wagons... The Americans must be dying inside

I'm with you there. I would have never imagined that the challenge would have turned out this way, but you live and learn.

[Tycondero]

About the review, this format was interesting, but not optimally executed, as Lordred pointed out. Also, I think a bit more context/scenario description would have been nice, to help the readers situate themselves. But again, that might be nitpicking, as I'm not a huge fan of 3rd person narrations, especially one that needs to accomplish something at the end, therefore being, in essence, a journalistic report. With that being said, I too am planning on changing a bit the writing for the hot hatch section of my challenge. The eco review was purposefully boring, in order to reflect the nature of the cars, the sporty ones should get something more interesting, but I haven't got that figured out just yet.

Well, it is all for learning and trying some stuff out to see what people like. Every review type/style will have lovers and haters no doubt. Perhaps next time I will again try something else. Did you like the style of the Out of Africa challenge review more? That was more descriptive journalism I would say.

[Leonardo9613]

That one was more normal, shall I say. Maybe a bit boring. But as I said, it is more my personal preferences, I prefer descriptive narrations, with very little on the way of dialogs, which is exactly the opposite of yours. The out of africa challenge had a very analytical, very cold writing style to it. My eco reviews, maybe, were a bit more communicative with the reader, but still pretty bland and boring. Lordred's Whale review was a lot more intimate, with more writing flourishes and with a first person touch. You see, just different styles of writing. I would say that you accomplished the Out of Africa style better than this one, but keep trying! I mean, that's why you did this, right? To keep trying different stuff and I salute you for that

[Dgafak87]

I can feel the heartbreak from here... No Americans, no v8s, no MacPherson and axle, and cruisers that look like family wagons... The Americans must be dying inside

LOL, might have done better if this challenge wasn't moving as fast as it did lol, I'm working on mine currently to see where I went wrong. I will admit even though I wasn't in the top 10, for being 14th in my first challenge. I'm really impressed with myself going in with no knowledge on cars and whipping one up. If another one like this rolls around, I'll be back, don't worry

[reeve509]

I just realised I HAD THE POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR