Car Jokes (Because why not?)

[LoneWolf0648]

so your honda is a 1.3L and my soda is 2
chevy, built like a rock... big, heavy, and unable to move on its own
i like ford but... Fails On Race Day


Mod Edit - Less N word, yo..

[xwing]

We have a lot of jokes about VW HTP engines (well, mostly about Skoda because its the best selling car company here, and mostly czech because they make the engines):
HTP - Hovno To Pojede (it will move like shit)
HTP - Hromada Technických Problémů (pile of technical problems)
HTP - Hádka Tří Pístů (argument of three pistons)
HTP - Hata Titla Power
HTP - Hejbni Tou Prdelí (move that ass)
HTP - Horko Ťažko Poskladané (hardly assembled)
And about 50 other variations

ŠKODA-peňazí (waste of money, škoda means loss, damage, waste, ideal name for a car company )
BMW - Break My Wallet

Shortly after fall of communism, a Russian tries new Mercedes. Takes it for a ride, and changes gears: Adin, dva, tri, četýre, pjať... rakýta! (One, two, three, four, five... rocket!)

Guy buys a new Hummer and goes to the pump. He has been filling the tank for one hour, two, three... then the pump owner walks to him and says: "How about turning off the engine?"

Do you know why Trabant is circling on a grass field? Some grass got stuck in its door.

Do you know which car is the fastest on slovak roads? Avia. Always first in tailback! (I hope I used the righ word, column of slowly moving cars because they have trouble overtaking that Avia )

[salen00b]

Want a good one?

A Lada with no rust!

[Spitfire599]

This one isn't very good, but...

What's the difference between a Ricer and a bucket of chicken?

A bucket of chicken will blow the ricer away in a drag race!

[Panopticon]

Dwarf walks up to a prostitute and says "how much"? The woman replies "$100". He agrees and they go up to her room.

As she gets ready he puts a suitcase on the bed and pulls out 4 large springs.

He puts one each on his hands and feet and jumps on her. He goes up and down like a man possessed and gives her the best shag of her life.

As she lays panting on the bed afterwards the dwarf starts to count her out her money.

She says "That was amazing! What kind of method is that?"

He replies:

"It's a German method. It's called the four springed dwarf technique"....

[Speedemon]

what do you get when you cross a jaguar with a tiger?

A robot tiger!

[EnryGT5]

How do you call a crossover on the Alps?
A damn miracle.

How do you call a Fiat Seicento driver?
A corpse.

What's the thing that both a snail and a Fiat Duna have in common?
The trail of slime.

[Spitfire599]

A dumb guy driving a Porsche sees another dumb guy with a Porsche broken down on the side of the road. He stops to see if he can help.

The guy with the broken Porsche tells him, "I just had a look under the hood, and there's nothing there. Somebody must have stolen the engine while I was driving!"

To which the other guy replies , "Oh, no problem, I have a spare in the back of my mine."

[Nivracer]

Why do Chevys have magnets on their bumpers?
to pick up parts that fell off of other Chevys.

[EnryGT5]

Why do Italian Fiat drivers "tune" their cars in embarassing, stupid ways?
Because they know it can't get more embarassing than the stock car.

Why do people insist on leaving crappy broken hubcaps on their steelies?
Because they need to compensate their nonexistent genitalia.

What's the difference between a Formula E and a Tesla Model S?
The Tesla can't do backflips.